The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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