the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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