I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
