We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
