I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
