so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
