Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
