Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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