ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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