How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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