"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
