..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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