The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
