Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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