Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
