The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
