You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
