I never want to see another naked old woman again.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
