At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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