You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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