A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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