I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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