at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
