i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
