i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
