I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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