Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
