Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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