Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
