i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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