I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dear god my vagina.
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