Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
