Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
