when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
