Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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