I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
