Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
