Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
