Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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