Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
