i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
