Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
