So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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