i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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