If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
