i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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