LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
