haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
