Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
