I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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